WE'RE HALFWAY THERE

Welcome to the song you will be singing in your head for the next few hours.  

You're welcome!

On Thursday I had my third chemo treatment.  This one really felt like an achievement of some sort because I can say that I'm halfway to being finished.  Yahoo!

My brother, Nathan accompanied me for the day.  He is such a good brother .. Thursday was his birthday and he chose to spend his birthday day off with ME at CHEMO.  I mean, is that a sacrifice or what?  I didn't even have a special treat ready for the birthday boy.  Lucky for him an older feisty lady getting chemo had brought in cake for the nurses and they shared with him.  I was half asleep when this was going on but I came out of my fog long enough to mumble something like "awe, that's so nice."  Snooze.  
In all seriousness, I was so thankful to have my bro with me.

Here is a photo of the Great Nate hanging out with baldy:

  

On round 2 of Chemo Day I had my Aunt Sue with me.  I went right to my oncologist appointment where he promptly asked me "Did you get your blood work done?  I don't see it"  Oh!  I forgot I was supposed to do that first.  
No big deal, I messed up the order of things and that was forgiven.  

I was feeling well assured of the order of things on round 3 day with Nathan in tow.  I marched into the lab, went right to the desk and sat down in front of the nurse.  She said "Good morning.  Um, you're supposed to take a number and sit down over there."  Nathan is now snickering and shaking his head.  Whatever.  They took me right back, blood work done.  Now I lead Nathan out of that building over to the infusion center.  We get all the way to the door of infusion and I say "WAIT!  I'm supposed to be meeting with Dr. Weng first!"  And back we go back to the building that we just came from.  My brother says "Apparently, you really need someone with you that knows the routine."  To which I reply "It's called Chemo Brain Nathan.  It's a real thing.  You can Google it!"  When I finally get in to see Dr. Weng I tell him why I'm late and what I did and that I told my brother that I was obviously suffering from a chemo brain morning.  Dr. Weng agreed (of course) and said that if I wanted to get physical therapy for chemo brain he would be happy to set me up for that.  Yup, you read that right.  You can get physical therapy for chemo brain.  So good to know!  I told him that for now I had some plans to use chemo brain to my advantage ... like, telling Steve that my brain isn't working well enough to remember how to wrap presents.  And now my very own oncologist is the second man of the day to shake his head and laugh at me.

We had a fun visitor!  My friend Kristi offered to bring us lunch so she came in to make the delivery and visit with us for awhile.  She made us laugh with stories of her twin 8 year old boys shenanigans. I was having severe hair envy with her there so I told her I wanted her hair on my head.  Here is a picture of us being cute and here is a picture of Kristi's hair on my head.  LOL.  We had fun for this photo shoot!  Seriously Kristi, how did you get into the infusion center with a head of hair like that -- shame on you!  HA!

 Let me tell you about the pink box I'm holding in the photos.  Kristi's daughter Mackenzie made this amazing positivity box for me.  It is really special.  The inside lid has a quote "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations" and together Kristi and Mackenzie made positive affirmations on little slips of paper so that when I'm having a low moment I can pick one out and feel uplifted.  I was having a particularly bad moment yesterday and the one that landed in my hand was "I am Powerful."  Instant mood change!  I am so thankful for the creativity and thoughtfulness of this 12 year old girl.  

Today is Sunday and I've spent the majority of the day on the sofa sleeping.  I did not have a good nights sleep last night and was having awful foot cramps and other strange neuropathy issues that kept waking me up.  The bad taste in my mouth is back in full force so nothing tastes good.  I'm supposed to be drinking lots and lots of fluids and it is HARD but Steve is on me about it which is good.  I was craving a milk shake so badly yesterday so Steve went out last night and got what he needed to make me one.  It was delicious ... finally something yummy!  He made me a peanut butter one today and it made me so happy.  So first I had my friend Cathy's "Survivor Soup" (she calls it Super Immunity Soup but I've renamed it because I can feel myself being healthy,  strong and surviving with every slurp) and then I followed that up with a milk shake.  Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!  My treatment hit me sooner than it has the last two times so I haven't been feeling well the last 3 days.  Maybe this means I will begin to feel better sooner?  That would be nice.  I'm ready!

THANKS-LIVING

So much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday.  Well, for every Thanksgiving holiday actually.  But this year feels just a bit more "thankFULLie" (I just made up that word; kind of like my husband does in Words with Friends).  

I am really thankful to be feeling well for the holiday.  I will be able to enjoy my time with family tomorrow with energy and focus and I will be able to enjoy our feast.  One of the side effects from the chemo is that I have a dry mouth and nothing tastes good.  But in the last couple of days my taste buds seem to have recuperated a bit and things are tasting better to eat and drink.  AND it's a long holiday weekend that I look forward to having some fun with Tanner.  I plan on ThanksLiving-it-up all weekend long!

Some may look at themselves as unhealthy when faced with a disease...but I am still so very thankful for my health.  I have cancer but I am still healthy in so many ways and I still take pride in taking good care of myself to stay strong in body and mind and to do good things for my body.  Every good thing I put in my body and everything I do for my body feels like a big slap in my tumor's face and I love that!  Gives me a little surge of ninja power.  

I am so very thankful for my family, my friends, my neighbors, my acquaintances, Tanner's teacher and school, to YOU for reading this .... everyone I know.  Thank you from ALL of my heart to all of you who think about me, pray for me, bring meals, call me, text me, send me cards, send me gifts, come visit me .. oh my gosh just thinking about the outpouring of love brings tears to my eyes.  How did I get so lucky?  

Thank you so much loved ones.  I wish you a most happy, grateful Thanksgiving holiday ~ live it up!

*My Pop-Pop is an avid reader of the "funny pages."  For many years now he cuts out the ones he likes most or the ones that remind him of me and saves them in an envelope to give me when we see one another.  A couple of weeks ago I was so surprised to receive in the mail an envelope from Pop-Pop with the funnies.  This is the first time I can ever remember him mailing them to me.  It made my day!  Do you think I'm thankful for my Pop-Pop?  You betcha I am!  Here's a Thanksgiving related funny for all of you ....

HAIR I AM!

I disappeared for awhile .... so much has happened since I last blogged.  Instead of writing a long catch-up post I am just going to take some time to make some back track posts.  

So I'll begin with the latest and greatest of what is going on with me.  Today Steve and I went to my wig place together for "the releasing of my hair" (no kidding, that is what they called it) and my wig fitting and styling.  Another way to say "the release of your hair" is TO.SHAVE.YOUR. HEAD.  My hair started to fall out on Wednesday of last week.  First just in some strands here and there but by this morning literal clumps were coming out in my hands in the shower and on my brush.  Lucky for me that I have so much hair that even though I could tell it was thinning, there were no bald patches showing up.  Regardless of that, I was still pretty anxious to get there and to have my head shaved and be done with this falling out hair business.   

Bonnie (owner of wig salon) turned me around away from the mirror as she shaved my head.  She did not shave it down to the scalp to avoid any nicks.  The doctors don't want you at any risk for infections so you have to minimize any injuries no matter how small.  It was interesting to discover that I have two scars on my head!  I have no idea how or why I have these scars.  I texted my Mom to ask about any accidents when I was a little kid but she doesn't remember any reason that I should have scars on my head.  Of course now I am wondering if maybe, just maybe these scars could be the result of some drunken debauchery during my 20's (?)  Yes, I know .. I need to come up with a better story.  Or maybe there is a really good story here but I just don't remember it!  Obviously, I have brain damage and the scars to prove it.

Bonnie and her assistant Randi and Steve were all saying what a beautiful head I have, blah, blah, blah and then Bonnie turned me around to look in the mirror.  I had a very quick reaction of almost crying but I took a deep breath and the urge disappeared.  It's kind of fascinating really to see .. well, so much of your FACE.  That's the first thing I noticed .. wow, there's my face, my whole face and nothing but my face.  My head is indeed, well formed (thank you Lord) and it is small ... I have a small head.  Kind of always knew that but now there is proof.  Because I'm losing my hair it is patchy in places which is not so pretty but after my next treatment on Thursday I'm pretty sure there will be no hair-survivors.  

I wanted to just sit and look at my head in the mirror for (hours) but no time was wasted getting me acquainted with my new friend Miranda.  (This is what I have named my wig - Miranda).  Miranda is actually very pretty and I think I may go out with her more than I originally thought I would.  Steve likes her so much that he took us out to lunch!  I got the scoop on how to take care of her and off we went.  

I kept Miranda on my head the rest of the day until I picked up Tanner at the bus stop.  So I guess I had her on for about five hours and not once did it feel uncomfortable.  Tanner said he liked my wig and that it looked like real hair.  The minute we walked in the house he wanted me to take it off and show him my bald head.  He is fascinated with the head mannequin thing that Miranda takes naps on and only after investigating that and the wig OFF of my head did he really look at me.  He petted my head and said it was soft, said that I still had more hair than Daddy, gave me a big hug and a kiss.  No biggie.  Isn't he just too cool for school?  I love this kid.  

Last week Tanner asked me "Mom, when are you going to be bald?"  I replied, "well, soon I think because my hair is starting to fall out and in 5 days I'm going to get my head shaved."  He was quiet for a minute and then said "soon me and Lula are going to be the only ones with fur on our heads!"  Yes, laughter really is the best medicine.  And a person requires a lot of laughter when going through this fight.

Me and Miranda

"Make a muscle Mom!"

With these two by my side I can do anything!

DETAILS

Several of you lovely people have asked what my chemo treatment days are and are wondering about the timeline for the whole process of getting to cancer-free.

My treatments are once every three weeks for a total of 6 treatments.  As of right now the dates for treatment are:

November 10th
December 1st (1/2 way there!)
*December 22nd
January 12th
February 2nd (Happy Dance Day)

*There is a chance we will back up this appointment until after Christmas.  I need to get a better idea of when my best days will be.  If this gets pushed until the 26th, the last two dates will change as well.  TBD

After my chemo treatments end I will have one month of recovery before surgery.  I do not know yet if I will have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  I will get more direction on this about half way through chemo and also depending on what my genetic markers are.  So let's say surgery will be somewhere around the second week of March.

After surgery I will begin radiation.  I am not sure when this will start as it depends on surgery recovery.  Radiation will be five days a week for 6 weeks.  

O.k. so here's the clincher .... with the type of breast cancer I have (HER2 Positive) I will need to continue with a regimen of chemo treatment called Herceptin.  The great news is that it's a targeted chemo for my type of breast cancer and is known to be really successful.  The not so great news is that I have to continue with this treatment until November of 2017.  And some good news - it's only a 30 minute treatment once every 3 weeks with low side effects.  

I CAN DO THIS!!  

Today was a good day.  I took Tanner to his soccer game and enjoyed being outside.  I am feeling a little low energy this evening and some indigestion issues but other than that, good!


SHINY, HAPPY NOTES (literally)

My friend Kristi delivered us a delicious dinner last night and also brought this super sweet note that her eldest daughter Mackenzie made for me.  And the whole family signed it. I think I've read it no less than 189 times since last night.  And I know I smiled and felt loved and strong no less than 189 times as well.  Thank you sweet girl.

1 DOWN, 5 TO GO

Yesterday evening Steve and I had a "hive five" moment as we left my first chemo treatment.  It feels good to have a count down at this point.  I began my own personal steps to kick breast cancer's ass on  the day that I got my diagnosis (October 3rd).  The first part of the plan was No S&S (Stress & Sugar) and the second part of my plan was SAP (Stay Active and Pray).  Yesterday began the third part of the plan which involves some potent cocktails that I am calling the Reservoir Dogs (aka Chemo drugs).  

The day began with a 40 minute appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Weng.  He went over the protocol with us again and reviewed the med's.  I had seven prescription med's sitting on my bathroom counter up until yesterday morning and all of them have ridiculously long and impossible to pronounce names.  I told him that Mary, who did my chemo training advised me to differentiate the two anti-nausea med's as "P" and "O".  Her advice "try P first, wait 4-6 hours and if P isn't working go to O but if P works, use it only and hide P away."  Dr. Weng loved this and made the reference to calling my other drugs Mr. C, Mr. D, Mr. T, Mr. F, Mr. A, Mr. P and Mr. H.  He thought this was a great reference to the movie Reservoir Dogs where the thieves are named by colors:  Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, Mr. White and Mr. Brown.  Of course, Steve and I LOVED this and thought it was a pretty hysterical way of playing with the names of my many chemo drugs.  I would like to point out though that MY Reservoir Dogs are not going to be botching up this game plan!  I have complete faith in my mob-boss, Dr. Weng, to make sure this plan follows through the way it's supposed to.  There won't be any diamonds at the end, but there won't be any tumors either.

Then we made our way over the infusion center.  I had a very nice nurse named Beth who was assigned to me for the day.  I got to sit in a comfy chair that reclines and also offers seat heat (although mine was broken).  Unfortunately, they don't offer the most comfortable of chairs for the person accompanying you.  Steve made the best of it though and didn't complain too much ; )  It was a very long day - six hours total.  I am so glad that Steve was there with me for the first time.  He was his usual funny and comforting self.  

The protocol began with Tylenol, then Mr. A (a pill that controls nausea), then Mr. C and Mr. D.  And then came the 50mg of Benadryl.  For those of you who don't know me ... I do not like to take medicine.  I would much rather wait it out or try something homeopathic before I resort to any medicine.  I even deliberate on taking Tylenol and Motrin lots of times!  So me and Benadryl, we don't get along so well.  IF I ever take one it's 1/2 of 25 mg.  Until recently I hadn't even had one in years but about a week ago I broke down and took 1/2 to try and help me sleep.  (Didn't work).  So the Benadryl sent me into shivers and chills and a woozy head.  Steve and Beth loaded me up with warm blankets and things got better pretty quickly.  And then....I conked out.  As only normal people should do when they take a dose of 50mg of Mr. I.Hate.You.Benadryl.  *Next came Mr. T., Mr. F, Mr. P and Mr. H.  A total of seven tumor terminators given through my brand new port.  (Which I will be calling my "porthole" going forward.  Tanner keeps calling it that and we cannot correct him because it's ADOR-A-BLE).  I tolerated the rest of the med's very well and felt quite joyful upon leaving there for the day.

So, how am I doing?  I am thrilled to say that so far, so good.  I have to take a steroid at breakfast and lunch through tomorrow which is staving off any nausea.  The side effect of this med is that it tends to amp you up some and makes it hard to sleep.  I did have some deep sleep last night but woke up at 3 a.m. and haven't slept since.  So I know I'm tired but can't quite get to a sleepy state.  I think I will by bed time though.  I also had to resort to the Imodium today but that seems to be under control now.    Other than that I'm eating well and feel happy and positive!  "They" say that the majority of people have nausea and/or fatigue beginning on days 2 and/or 3 after chemo.  I am praying that I will be the minority who keeps plugging along and feeling good.  I have a goal to make it to Tanner's soccer game tomorrow!

*I may not have the sequence of the dogs quite right

SHINY, HAPPY NOTES:

My friend (and breast cancer survivor) Kara,  has a friend from her childhood who is a nurse at the infusion center.  Her name is Eileen and she doesn't work on Thursdays which is when I'm scheduled to get my infusions.  When I arrived yesterday Beth told me that they were told to treat me extra special.  And I found out today through Kara that Eileen was checking in on me throughout the day yesterday.  I am so touched by this person who I haven't even met yet.

I am filled with gratitude for all of the help we've received with making sure that Tanner is cared for during this long process of inconveniently timed Doctor appointments, wig fittings, etc, etc.  My neighbor Kim for having him for playdates at Camp LaBrier, my neighbor Jamie for getting him to soccer practice, my friend Patrice for Camp Shelton and my Mom for being #1 Grammie.  There is no relief like knowing your child is in good hands when your own aren't able to be there for him.

A very grateful shout-out to my friend Anne for coming to pick up our other baby, Tallulah for a play date on the farm with her poodle besties.  Both my kids were living it up on playdates yesterday and that knowledge brought me so much happiness!

Thank you Patrice for organizing dinner deliveries these past three nights and the nights to come and to all of you wonderful people I call friends who are chipping in to feed the Cones.  I cannot wait to pay it forward.  Love you all bunches!

And thank you to everyone for their texts, emails, phone calls, thoughts and prayers.  I know I've fallen behind in returning messages the past week and half.  Please know that I appreciate you and I hope starting the blog will help to answer everyone's questions.  In my next blog post I will give the outline of the next treatments and a timeline for when this will all be over.

Until next time .... 

For your viewing pleasure Violent Femmes performing Kiss Off

Kiss Off, slang

-to reject, dismiss or ignore

-used to express contemptuous rejection or dismissal

-to give up, renounce, or dispense with