HAIR I AM!

I disappeared for awhile .... so much has happened since I last blogged.  Instead of writing a long catch-up post I am just going to take some time to make some back track posts.  

So I'll begin with the latest and greatest of what is going on with me.  Today Steve and I went to my wig place together for "the releasing of my hair" (no kidding, that is what they called it) and my wig fitting and styling.  Another way to say "the release of your hair" is TO.SHAVE.YOUR. HEAD.  My hair started to fall out on Wednesday of last week.  First just in some strands here and there but by this morning literal clumps were coming out in my hands in the shower and on my brush.  Lucky for me that I have so much hair that even though I could tell it was thinning, there were no bald patches showing up.  Regardless of that, I was still pretty anxious to get there and to have my head shaved and be done with this falling out hair business.   

Bonnie (owner of wig salon) turned me around away from the mirror as she shaved my head.  She did not shave it down to the scalp to avoid any nicks.  The doctors don't want you at any risk for infections so you have to minimize any injuries no matter how small.  It was interesting to discover that I have two scars on my head!  I have no idea how or why I have these scars.  I texted my Mom to ask about any accidents when I was a little kid but she doesn't remember any reason that I should have scars on my head.  Of course now I am wondering if maybe, just maybe these scars could be the result of some drunken debauchery during my 20's (?)  Yes, I know .. I need to come up with a better story.  Or maybe there is a really good story here but I just don't remember it!  Obviously, I have brain damage and the scars to prove it.

Bonnie and her assistant Randi and Steve were all saying what a beautiful head I have, blah, blah, blah and then Bonnie turned me around to look in the mirror.  I had a very quick reaction of almost crying but I took a deep breath and the urge disappeared.  It's kind of fascinating really to see .. well, so much of your FACE.  That's the first thing I noticed .. wow, there's my face, my whole face and nothing but my face.  My head is indeed, well formed (thank you Lord) and it is small ... I have a small head.  Kind of always knew that but now there is proof.  Because I'm losing my hair it is patchy in places which is not so pretty but after my next treatment on Thursday I'm pretty sure there will be no hair-survivors.  

I wanted to just sit and look at my head in the mirror for (hours) but no time was wasted getting me acquainted with my new friend Miranda.  (This is what I have named my wig - Miranda).  Miranda is actually very pretty and I think I may go out with her more than I originally thought I would.  Steve likes her so much that he took us out to lunch!  I got the scoop on how to take care of her and off we went.  

I kept Miranda on my head the rest of the day until I picked up Tanner at the bus stop.  So I guess I had her on for about five hours and not once did it feel uncomfortable.  Tanner said he liked my wig and that it looked like real hair.  The minute we walked in the house he wanted me to take it off and show him my bald head.  He is fascinated with the head mannequin thing that Miranda takes naps on and only after investigating that and the wig OFF of my head did he really look at me.  He petted my head and said it was soft, said that I still had more hair than Daddy, gave me a big hug and a kiss.  No biggie.  Isn't he just too cool for school?  I love this kid.  

Last week Tanner asked me "Mom, when are you going to be bald?"  I replied, "well, soon I think because my hair is starting to fall out and in 5 days I'm going to get my head shaved."  He was quiet for a minute and then said "soon me and Lula are going to be the only ones with fur on our heads!"  Yes, laughter really is the best medicine.  And a person requires a lot of laughter when going through this fight.

Me and Miranda

"Make a muscle Mom!"

With these two by my side I can do anything!

DETAILS

Several of you lovely people have asked what my chemo treatment days are and are wondering about the timeline for the whole process of getting to cancer-free.

My treatments are once every three weeks for a total of 6 treatments.  As of right now the dates for treatment are:

November 10th
December 1st (1/2 way there!)
*December 22nd
January 12th
February 2nd (Happy Dance Day)

*There is a chance we will back up this appointment until after Christmas.  I need to get a better idea of when my best days will be.  If this gets pushed until the 26th, the last two dates will change as well.  TBD

After my chemo treatments end I will have one month of recovery before surgery.  I do not know yet if I will have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  I will get more direction on this about half way through chemo and also depending on what my genetic markers are.  So let's say surgery will be somewhere around the second week of March.

After surgery I will begin radiation.  I am not sure when this will start as it depends on surgery recovery.  Radiation will be five days a week for 6 weeks.  

O.k. so here's the clincher .... with the type of breast cancer I have (HER2 Positive) I will need to continue with a regimen of chemo treatment called Herceptin.  The great news is that it's a targeted chemo for my type of breast cancer and is known to be really successful.  The not so great news is that I have to continue with this treatment until November of 2017.  And some good news - it's only a 30 minute treatment once every 3 weeks with low side effects.  

I CAN DO THIS!!  

Today was a good day.  I took Tanner to his soccer game and enjoyed being outside.  I am feeling a little low energy this evening and some indigestion issues but other than that, good!


SHINY, HAPPY NOTES (literally)

My friend Kristi delivered us a delicious dinner last night and also brought this super sweet note that her eldest daughter Mackenzie made for me.  And the whole family signed it. I think I've read it no less than 189 times since last night.  And I know I smiled and felt loved and strong no less than 189 times as well.  Thank you sweet girl.

1 DOWN, 5 TO GO

Yesterday evening Steve and I had a "hive five" moment as we left my first chemo treatment.  It feels good to have a count down at this point.  I began my own personal steps to kick breast cancer's ass on  the day that I got my diagnosis (October 3rd).  The first part of the plan was No S&S (Stress & Sugar) and the second part of my plan was SAP (Stay Active and Pray).  Yesterday began the third part of the plan which involves some potent cocktails that I am calling the Reservoir Dogs (aka Chemo drugs).  

The day began with a 40 minute appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Weng.  He went over the protocol with us again and reviewed the med's.  I had seven prescription med's sitting on my bathroom counter up until yesterday morning and all of them have ridiculously long and impossible to pronounce names.  I told him that Mary, who did my chemo training advised me to differentiate the two anti-nausea med's as "P" and "O".  Her advice "try P first, wait 4-6 hours and if P isn't working go to O but if P works, use it only and hide P away."  Dr. Weng loved this and made the reference to calling my other drugs Mr. C, Mr. D, Mr. T, Mr. F, Mr. A, Mr. P and Mr. H.  He thought this was a great reference to the movie Reservoir Dogs where the thieves are named by colors:  Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, Mr. White and Mr. Brown.  Of course, Steve and I LOVED this and thought it was a pretty hysterical way of playing with the names of my many chemo drugs.  I would like to point out though that MY Reservoir Dogs are not going to be botching up this game plan!  I have complete faith in my mob-boss, Dr. Weng, to make sure this plan follows through the way it's supposed to.  There won't be any diamonds at the end, but there won't be any tumors either.

Then we made our way over the infusion center.  I had a very nice nurse named Beth who was assigned to me for the day.  I got to sit in a comfy chair that reclines and also offers seat heat (although mine was broken).  Unfortunately, they don't offer the most comfortable of chairs for the person accompanying you.  Steve made the best of it though and didn't complain too much ; )  It was a very long day - six hours total.  I am so glad that Steve was there with me for the first time.  He was his usual funny and comforting self.  

The protocol began with Tylenol, then Mr. A (a pill that controls nausea), then Mr. C and Mr. D.  And then came the 50mg of Benadryl.  For those of you who don't know me ... I do not like to take medicine.  I would much rather wait it out or try something homeopathic before I resort to any medicine.  I even deliberate on taking Tylenol and Motrin lots of times!  So me and Benadryl, we don't get along so well.  IF I ever take one it's 1/2 of 25 mg.  Until recently I hadn't even had one in years but about a week ago I broke down and took 1/2 to try and help me sleep.  (Didn't work).  So the Benadryl sent me into shivers and chills and a woozy head.  Steve and Beth loaded me up with warm blankets and things got better pretty quickly.  And then....I conked out.  As only normal people should do when they take a dose of 50mg of Mr. I.Hate.You.Benadryl.  *Next came Mr. T., Mr. F, Mr. P and Mr. H.  A total of seven tumor terminators given through my brand new port.  (Which I will be calling my "porthole" going forward.  Tanner keeps calling it that and we cannot correct him because it's ADOR-A-BLE).  I tolerated the rest of the med's very well and felt quite joyful upon leaving there for the day.

So, how am I doing?  I am thrilled to say that so far, so good.  I have to take a steroid at breakfast and lunch through tomorrow which is staving off any nausea.  The side effect of this med is that it tends to amp you up some and makes it hard to sleep.  I did have some deep sleep last night but woke up at 3 a.m. and haven't slept since.  So I know I'm tired but can't quite get to a sleepy state.  I think I will by bed time though.  I also had to resort to the Imodium today but that seems to be under control now.    Other than that I'm eating well and feel happy and positive!  "They" say that the majority of people have nausea and/or fatigue beginning on days 2 and/or 3 after chemo.  I am praying that I will be the minority who keeps plugging along and feeling good.  I have a goal to make it to Tanner's soccer game tomorrow!

*I may not have the sequence of the dogs quite right

SHINY, HAPPY NOTES:

My friend (and breast cancer survivor) Kara,  has a friend from her childhood who is a nurse at the infusion center.  Her name is Eileen and she doesn't work on Thursdays which is when I'm scheduled to get my infusions.  When I arrived yesterday Beth told me that they were told to treat me extra special.  And I found out today through Kara that Eileen was checking in on me throughout the day yesterday.  I am so touched by this person who I haven't even met yet.

I am filled with gratitude for all of the help we've received with making sure that Tanner is cared for during this long process of inconveniently timed Doctor appointments, wig fittings, etc, etc.  My neighbor Kim for having him for playdates at Camp LaBrier, my neighbor Jamie for getting him to soccer practice, my friend Patrice for Camp Shelton and my Mom for being #1 Grammie.  There is no relief like knowing your child is in good hands when your own aren't able to be there for him.

A very grateful shout-out to my friend Anne for coming to pick up our other baby, Tallulah for a play date on the farm with her poodle besties.  Both my kids were living it up on playdates yesterday and that knowledge brought me so much happiness!

Thank you Patrice for organizing dinner deliveries these past three nights and the nights to come and to all of you wonderful people I call friends who are chipping in to feed the Cones.  I cannot wait to pay it forward.  Love you all bunches!

And thank you to everyone for their texts, emails, phone calls, thoughts and prayers.  I know I've fallen behind in returning messages the past week and half.  Please know that I appreciate you and I hope starting the blog will help to answer everyone's questions.  In my next blog post I will give the outline of the next treatments and a timeline for when this will all be over.

Until next time .... 

For your viewing pleasure Violent Femmes performing Kiss Off

Kiss Off, slang

-to reject, dismiss or ignore

-used to express contemptuous rejection or dismissal

-to give up, renounce, or dispense with